Life lessons I've learned Part 1 & 2.
Pressed pause 2 different times, 10 years apart
“…don’t show up as two different people at work vs at home.”
This latest break, I’ve learned a couple of things (and adding to more all the time!)
Let’s Begin:
1. EVERYONE HAS A STORY AND THAT IS YOUR TRAUMA: I didn’t realize I ever deserved the term TRAUMA. I thought it was dedicated to just war veterans and victims of abuse. I didn't realize being without a home at 10 days old as a by product of an affair, shopped around for a family to take me in, finding one and living with that family for 8 years until someone yanks you away lying that you’re going on a 2 weeks vacation to America [vs America being your permanent home] was abnormal. YUP, that’s trauma. Since 10 days old, unbeknownst to me, my survival skills developed and continued to advance throughout my life. My compartmentalizing power started at 8 as soon as I knew I wasn’t ever going home. I had nowhere to go but forward. But I’ve learned, the best way forward is compartmentalization, but the best way OUT is not being exploited … just assimilate, just blend in, just mirror and posture. Which leads me to…I am a…
2. PROUD CARD HOLDER OF THE NEURODIVERGENCE CLUB: I was always different but I postured a bit especially if you join certain fields, like PR. Though most knew I was neurodivergent, it wasn’t until recently that I went for a formal diagnosis to confirm, indeed, I was always severely ADHD, combined type 1. Proudly past to present, I march to the beat of my own drums and it’s often, off-beat! Have I told you how different my husband and I are? EXTREMELY DIFFERENT. You wouldn’t see us as being married at first-sight. But, that’s called DYNAMIC TEAMING. Modern workplace requires multiple behavioral traits to make magic. Regardless of your race, gender, cognitive powers, bring your whole self but be humble. Diversity of thought and lived experiences fosters innovation, creativity; your talent will be retained, their confidence will grow, and your client output will be exceeded. Understanding these intersections means you’re meaningfully embracing diversity with real impact and simultaneously, you’ll help real humans in corporate America reduce mental and emotional distresses. Not all environments embrace this - and for sure, reassessing my work environment led me to my current PRESS PAUSE.
3. YOU WEREN’T MEANT TO BE IN 1 CAREER, OR 1 COMPANY OR 1 DISCIPLINE FOREVER: There are many factors that lead to mental health declines, particularly in the workplace, anxiety, stress, and depression can quickly arise in many careers if left unattended. I believe in constant evolutions… episodic careers, shall we say. It challenges us to be well-rounded, it forces us to be led by and observe varying personality types and leadership styles. It challenges us to think worldly and have a higher sense of diversity of thought. It makes the work better. Think about it, you don’t wear, let alone fit in the same proud outfit you rocked on the first day of middle school. Right? So why would you deny yourself of what you’re capable of by not taking risks and listening to your inner voice that speaks to you periodically?
4. WORK LIFE BALANCE IS POSSIBLE, BUT COMPROMISES ARE REQUIRED: I never believed that the notion of “work hard, play harder” works. IMO, “Work hard play harder” creates a loop of desire you’ll constantly chase but never catch up to. Why work for the weekends and go hard once you’re on PTO? That is just false relaxation and not sustainable because you likely require a day or two to relax, then once done at the end of the vacation, you’re chasing the next one. MY TRUE THOUGHTS (AND HOW I DEVELOPED WLB FOR OVER 10 YEARS NOW) ..the constant code switching
the work you vs the life you…
can quickly degenerate into a frantic (and unsuccessful) juggling act. Defining your work values outside of short-term gains (power, money, control, ego) is key.
I don’t show up as two different people at work vs at home.
But that is MY choice. Resetting your boundaries can give you a healthier relationship with your job…and life.
But, also are these things…
1) choosing the right job & changing it when your gut tells you
2) understand that you ain’t the shit - or at the least, the only [badass shit]… so you better put that ego aside because ego is an overdressed security
3) know when it’s your time to go … make space for others to rise. The biggest accomplishment in someone’s career is to create a succession plan for yourself and when YOUR plan comes to fruition, it’s the best feeling (I try to do this at every job I’m in)
…more lessons to come, but that is it for now!
READ ABOUT MY FIRST PRESS PAUSE a decade ago, here.
ALL POST DISCLOSURES: These opinions are mine and reflective of my lived-experiences. They are not meant to be used as official mental health or career advice. Individual challenges, values and lived experiences are different for everyone, including your accessibility to resources and healthcare. I want to be explicit and acknowledge that I empathize with the state of where the world is and the injustice happening to humanity, thus, there are many topics and situations worth sharing and discussing beyond the stories I have shared. I’m also attuned to the immense layoffs affecting everyone and no way are my posts meant to be insensitive or portray any privileges. I’m sharing these reflections for my own processing and healing with the hope to inspire you or others. I believe that by talking about our experiences for all the right intentions and purpose, the world can become a more loving place.